That Me in Another Universe

We have dreams that are already rendered by life impossible, sad to say.

I dreamed of enjoying my teen life as I saw on TV when I was a kid--- being a cool young boy who strolls around places for gimmicks,  groomed and dressed up fashionably with his friends of his age, enjoying life as if they will never grow old.

Smoking and drinking secretly from his parents, deciding who he likes among his peers or from the people he knows, expressing all his curiosities about life, thus getting to know it on a first-hand basis before he gets old. that's a life not wasted.

How I wish I finished my college at the age of 20, just like other people who were not hindered by financial and family problems in their schooling. I know it was possible to happen while being a wild kid, not domesticated by controlling parents. 'Cause I always coveted that parchment, which writes my degree in my chosen field, maybe Psychology, or maybe Communication.

So when I already exited the years of being young, I know that I have not so much to look back for, things that are undone,  and everything is just ahead of me... Waiting to be materialized. Waiting to be experienced.

Unfortunately for me, that kind of life will forever remain just a dream, because I am going 22 now, with no degree and his teenage life wasted in the loneliness of his room. That room which was my safe place from the sad reality outside--- father who had the potential to be your terminator when angered, asking for a gun to settle things other people would not even fret about, mother whose mouth shots condescending words that could perish your self-worth, and the spotlight they always gave to problems that indicate we're alive.

I remember when my father told me one time when he was not in a good mood, "Nabibwisit ang bahay dahil sa'yo(you are annoying this house)." And another time when he was joking, "Kung hindi ka lang maputi, ang pangit mo na(If only not because of your white complexion, you are ugly.)" You can imagine all the other scenarios that happened, all of them made me feel less of the person that I am. I just stayed in my room, so that no one would get annoyed with me or see my face.



August 2, 2013, when I was asleep, I had a dream. I saw in the dream that an office-mate came from another Universe. She went to us by a sort of time travel machine and informed us the existence of Parallel Universes, something which never hooked my interest before because of its complexity. That office-mate appeared to be the exact opposite of the girl we know. She only spoke the things we needed to know, when our real office-mate always cracks joke and known for her talkativeness. She was indeed a version of that office-mate in another universe.

She went on to tell us that there is a way for us to communicate with the people living in that alternate reality. Surprisingly, it was only through the use of a home phone. I tried it, but even before that, I saw in my mind the person I would like to talk to from that another universe--- myself. He was so handsome, and I just knew that he is the type who's liberated about his sexuality(he is a bisexual), his favorite subject is Math, which I hate the most, and he smokes, something which I do only once in a blue moon.

From the looks of it, that self is still studying, or maybe a working student because I saw him smoking outside our work building. I don't know who said it but I heard the word "Bad-tripper"  to describe that me, which might mean bad-boy because he really looks like that. As if I have that psychic ability called prognosis in that dream(just an exaggeration), I just knew that he is a very intelligent person despite his obviously cool indifference.

I ringed the phone in his place which I saw was a library, maybe the library of the school where he studies. I was waiting for him to pick-up the phone, so excited, but it was his professor who answered. When he was about to hand the phone to that person I yearned to talked to, I woke.

I reflected and cherished the feelings that dream brought. It gave me a feeling of inexplicable familiarity and excitement. Just how would you feel if you saw yourself but that version who is everything you wished to be? I always wanted to be that handsome, unconstrained and intelligent individual. That person who exudes confidence and is like a brooding-type but is not.

I don't say that it really took place, I wish it did. It could just be nothing but a dream, but no one can deny the potential of dreams to convey relevant information about ourselves and our life. Teachers in dreams usually symbolize that there are lessons that we need to learn. Well, that scenario where I got to talk to his professor before him may mean that before I realize my dream of becoming that person, i will have to learn some important lessons first. Maybe I need to reinterpret the things that happened to me in the past that made me the opposite of who I want to be.

The next day after I dreamed of that, our team went to an outing. As we were traveling to our destination, we passed by San Pedro, Laguna, the place where i spent the first year of my life. That place is a very important part of my past. It suddenly came to me that maybe, I really have to fix something from my past, maybe something in it holds me back from being the full person that I can become.